Recognising the
Red Flags
Domestic abuse isn’t always easy to spot. It can take many forms – physical, emotional, psychological, financial, or sexual. Recognising the early signs can help victims find safety sooner and prevent abuse from escalating. In this guide, we break down the most common signs of domestic abuse in an easy-to-understand FAQ format.
What are the emotional signs of domestic abuse?
Emotional abuse can be subtle but deeply damaging. Victims might appear anxious, withdrawn, or depressed. They may constantly check in with their partner, avoid expressing their own opinions, or seem unusually concerned with keeping their partner happy.
Common signs include:
- Low self-esteem
- Fear of making decisions without approval
- Apologising excessively
- Emotional detachment
How can I spot psychological abuse?
Psychological abuse, often referred to as mental or verbal abuse, involves manipulation and control. It can include gaslighting—where the abuser makes the victim question their own memory or reality—and other behaviours meant to confuse or intimidate.
Red flags include:
- Isolation from friends and family
- Constant criticism or belittling
- Threats or intimidation
- Controlling behaviour disguised as “care”
What are the warning signs of financial abuse?
Financial abuse involves controlling a victim’s access to money or resources. This type of abuse traps people in unsafe situations by making them financially dependent.
Indicators include:
- Not being allowed to work or earn money
- Partner controls all spending
- Having to ask permission to buy essentials
- Sudden financial hardship or secretive borrowing
Are there signs of sexual abuse in relationships?
Yes. Sexual abuse can occur even in long-term relationships. It includes any non-consensual sexual activity or pressure to perform acts that make someone uncomfortable.
Possible signs:
- Fear of intimacy
- Physical pain or injuries
- Avoidance of touch or affection
- Mentioning being “forced” or “obliged”
What behavioural changes might indicate abuse?
Behavioural shifts are common. A once outgoing person may become withdrawn. They may cancel plans, become overly apologetic, or act secretively.
Changes to look for:
- Avoiding social situations
- Loss of confidence or independence
- Sudden mood swings
- Excessive privacy around their phone or messages
Can domestic abuse affect children?
Absolutely. Even if children aren’t directly harmed, witnessing abuse has serious emotional and developmental consequences.
Signs in children include:
- Aggression or withdrawal
- Bedwetting or nightmares
- Poor school performance
- Fearful behaviour or clinginess
What should I do if I suspect someone is being abused?
Support is key. Don’t pressure the person to act but let them know they’re not alone. Signpost to specialist services who can provide emotional and practical support, such as WEPROTECT. Telephone: 0800 101 7110.
You can:
- Listen without judgment
- Encourage them to seek help
- Signpost to external support services
- Make a referral on behalf of someone if you’re a professional
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, help is available. Domestic Abuse Alliance accelerates access to civil legal support and protection.
